Day Four
On Day Four*, an army of insurance agents and lawyers complicate production of GTAGH over child labor laws or some such nonsense. A well-supplied craft services table is set out to keep them as placated as possible. The main task today will be for each bachelor to entertain, meet, and/or endure a group of seven children. This will simulate their performance as an involved father. Later, one-on-one dates will occur, during which the bachelors' non-bodily function motives will be tanked. It isn't easy to be a father, but the fair lady must continue to feel appreciated.
The score will be determined by the base formula, plus the average daily score of the kids toward the bachelor *and* the average daily score of the bachelor toward the kids. Snubs will counted at a flat zero, but an overall five point bonus will be awarded if a bachelor scores a uniformly positive impression with the children.
* Day Four happens to take place on a very special day in the Veronese calendar which there are six extra hours in a day (and not because I forgot how to add), which is convenient for insurance reasons.
The group of children is comprised of three boys - Edmund, Tom, and Henry
And four girls - Julia, Fanny, Mary, and Maria.
The starting order will be determined by yesterday's placements, so Felix is up first.
Felix: Hello, children! I'm sure you're all excited to help me impress a lady so I can finally get married.
Edmund: Absolutely!
Henry: Not on your life, mister.
Maria: Maybe you should try floriography with her.
Felix: Maybe... although, I would guess the Wars of the Roses would interest more. Whatever that is.
Little Mary can't quite understand why Lady Iden would want to hear about wars instead of flowers. While the lawyers and insurance agents choke on their craft-table snacks, Felix tries to explain the appeal of a flail and the bloodlust that lurks within us all. Fanny entertains nearly everyone else with a grown-up joke she heard about centaurs.
Tom: Is she a smart lady? You seem smart. You should tell her.
Felix: You mean I should tell the well-read Hereditary High Magistrate that I have a dual degree in law and literature? That's brilliant!
Julia: I doubt she's going to be that impressed if you needed a little kid to give you that idea, Simistotle. Maybe you should work on your cartography skills instead.
Felix: No way!
After that particular conversation, Felix takes stock while the kids chatter around him. He's never been anything but middling when it comes to people skills; books are much simpler. The kids interact naturally and well. He decides to seek out their advice and accept it.
Felix: So, I should take more chances? Be daring? Risk what I have for a better future?
Maria: And it can't hurt her to get her black-out drunk, either!
At this point, the craft services table can no longer keep the insurance suits and lawyers from shutting down this segment. Production is only allowed to continue after Leon does a 'cross my heart and hope to die' and pinkie-swears that he'll be on his best behavior with the children.
Leon: You don't like music? Just as well; I hear it doesn't like you very much, either.
After another short production break and threats of blows to the head, Leon is allowed to continue.
Tom: If you tell her a fairy story, make sure it's a purple fairy story. When girls like purple, they really like purple!
Leon: Yeah, no sh- I mean, yes! Yes, thank you for that excellent advice!
Leon hated this challenge from the second it was announced, and it's not gotten any better. He thinks kids are generally noisy and annoying. But, he knows he's on thin ice after the disaster that was meeting Charlotte's family... and, he suddenly remembers, the best he did was with the kid.
Julia: So that's why pirates only have one eye! If they're really bad, do they hit them in the other eye? Tell me, tell me, tell me!
Leon: Right in the face! They'll be blind as a bat, they will, those limey pirates.
Charlotte, you'd better be watching this. I'm hugging the child.
Leon: I love your boots.
Henry: I know, right? They're practical for all weather, they look super cool, and I can stomp on my sisters' toes really hard!
Leon and Henry have a nice long chat about appearances. And if you didn't know any better, you'd think it wasn't entirely an act anymore on Leon's side...
Secret's out, tough guy.
Leon and his friend are joined by Edmund, another well-dressed dude of the world. They close out their meeting by waxing poetic on all manner of mystical creatures.
Edmund: But gentlemen, we can all agree that the purple fairy is the best fairy.
Henry: Just so.
Leon: Well-said.
Miraculously, no legal interventions are necessary at the end of Leon's segment. Florizel gets to take his place immediately.
Florizel: Ah, a lovely day with all you children! I'm so looking forward to this.
To his shock, Florizel is not the immediate center of attention. In fact, the kids seem quite content to go about their business without him. He gets a scrap of a clue by listening to Maria and Tom gossip.
Maria: Did you hear he's an actual prince?
Tom: Yes! But why doesn't he have a jewel-encrusted sword and a crown? Or a shirt that buttons all the way?
Florizel tries to explain to the children that clothing must be functional as well as fashionable and that even princes must be cautious with their purse so as not to be caught short in times of need, like a plague.
Maria: But they look like birds!! Why would a doctor need to look like a bird?
Believing the prince angle is still the way to go, Florizel regales Fanny with stories of the colorful characters to be met at the Fae Court.
Fanny: So it's sort of like meeting all you desperate men? I get it now.
After some general mixing, Florizel is drawn back into conversation with Maria. She's still wondering why doctors would wear bird masks.
Florizel: Well, it helps them keep some plants near their nose, to ward off the bad airs coming from the patients. Although, there are these 'scientist' people who think..
Maria: Boring...
Florizel: Did I mention I live in a castle?
Maria: Tell me more!
Our noble prince recognizes the pattern here and decides to win over the children with the trappings of royal life.
Florizel: My sister, the queen, reigns from a throne that sits on piles of pirate gold! We eat our meals sitting on treasure chests instead of chairs!
Henry: That's so awesome!
Maria: And all the deer live happily ever after on the royal grounds?
Florizel: Yes, yes, yes! Very good!
Florizel: And then at night, the court is entertained by stories of a magical forest in which all your dreams can come true if you're willing to pay the right price. Why, one common lady's maid...
And time runs out on our royal contestant. Last and most likely not anywhere near least comes Thomas, the Family Sim to beat all Family Sims.
But rather than be showered with a return of the natural affection he has for all children, Thomas unhappily learns that the room is still buzzing about a certain prince.
Thomas: I will not be intimidated by anyone's crown! This is my time to shine!
Thomas: Games? I love playing games!
Thomas: Allowances teach the value of money and let children buy sweets and toys behind their parents' back. I say it's a win-win.
Tom: Actually, I'm looking for a flat-out bribe this time around.
Thomas: I like your name and the cut of your jib.
In a challenge first, Maria and Thomas break out the tickling action. I have to give Maria credit, she knew when the time and man was right. Poor Fanny was asking for swing-arounds all day and getting shut down.
Julia: ... And that is why I want to go to Hogwarts.
Thomas: I think that's a beautiful dream. Make sure to pay attention in Potions. I hear that's a can't-miss teacher.
Ten points to Hufflepuff. (Harry Potter aside: Thomas is the easiest to sort. He even looks like his middle name should be Hufflepuff. Felix is most likely a Ravenclaw, Leon is lurking in the shadow between Gryffyndor and Slytherin, and I haven't a clue on Florizel.)
Nearing the end of his segment, Thomas takes stock and seems much more pleased with his surroundings. He's had good interactions with the children, and everyone is getting along well. He'll try to go out on a strong note.
Okay, that's not as weird as the plague doctor conversation, but... I'm just letting that go.
Mary closes things out by showing off with a well-done cartwheel. Thomas is thoroughly impressed.
So, once the children and insurance guys and lawyers are cleared off, evening is allowed to set in. Rather than go in the same order, the dates will go according to chemistry. To simulate a long day of fatherhood, the men's social/fun/comfort bars are all tanked.
The dates are only getting one picture a piece because they mostly sucked. There was some chatting, a rejected action/bad joke or two, some flirting, and complaints about being tired and what not.
Florizel: So when the Fae sailors capture the pirates-
Charlotte: If you want to bore someone with pirate stories, go find Avery. Just remember my no re-admittance policy.
Felix: And then they found out the holes also have to do with particulate matter - most often hay, but not necessarily - and boy, did that re-write the book on cheese.
Charlotte: My brain finds your conversation strangely stimulating. My loins, however, are not impressed.
Thomas: There are at least three sofas in here... but I'll be happy to hold you. Until I drop dead.
Leon: I met your family, I wrangled children. So help me God, if you make me into a ghost for a bonus round, I will haunt your gorgeous ass until you die.
And on that note, Day Four concludes.
Average scores from the bachelors toward the children:
Felix: 5.1
Leon: 13.1
Florizel: 6.1
Thomas: 14.6
So the segment one scores are not looking good for Felix, who does a workman like job of following orders but doesn't connect too much with any of the kids. Florizel does slightly better, but his scores with Charlotte have always been higher than Felix's, so he's got some wiggle room. Apparently, the royalty factor just doesn't stick with the kids for long. As could be expected, Thomas scores the best, but even he doesn't score the five bonus points. It seems like he'd be thrilled with daughters, which would work well in the Iden family. Leon doesn't do quite as well, but whether through strategy or being a secret softie, he claims second place in the scenario.
I fear Felix will need a lot of help from the bad dates to stay in the game.
Lifetime Relationship + (Daily Relationship x 0.5) + (Number of Bolts x 3) + 5 Points for Crush OR 10 Points for Love + Average Daily Relationship From Children + Average Daily Relationship Toward Children
Leon: 100 + 0.5(100) + 3(3) + 10 + 10.7 + 13.1 = 192.8
Thomas: 95 + 0.5(100) + 3(2) + 10 + 13.3 + 14.6 = 188.9
Florizel: 100 + 0.5(100) + 3(1) + 10 + 4.1 + 6.1 = 173.2
Felix: 67 + 0.5(100) + 3(2) + 5 + 3.1 + 5.1 = 136.2
And he's last by a gigantic margin. Leon's scores with Lady Iden give him the edge over Thomas' better showing with the kids. For the first time, Florizel looks vulnerable and slips out of second.
Charlotte: I have good news and bad news for you, Felix. The bad news is that you are going home and it wasn't even remotely close. I clearly find you attractive and you've worked hard to impress me, but it just hasn't come together for us. The good news is that I have a duchy full of law-breakers, malcontents, and uppity nobles - not at all mutually exclusive, mind you - and only two hands. I need more hard workers who take direction well and have degrees in law.
Felix: And literature.
The group of children is comprised of three boys - Edmund, Tom, and Henry
And four girls - Julia, Fanny, Mary, and Maria.
The starting order will be determined by yesterday's placements, so Felix is up first.
Felix: Hello, children! I'm sure you're all excited to help me impress a lady so I can finally get married.
Edmund: Absolutely!
Henry: Not on your life, mister.
Maria: Maybe you should try floriography with her.
Felix: Maybe... although, I would guess the Wars of the Roses would interest more. Whatever that is.
Little Mary can't quite understand why Lady Iden would want to hear about wars instead of flowers. While the lawyers and insurance agents choke on their craft-table snacks, Felix tries to explain the appeal of a flail and the bloodlust that lurks within us all. Fanny entertains nearly everyone else with a grown-up joke she heard about centaurs.
Tom: Is she a smart lady? You seem smart. You should tell her.
Felix: You mean I should tell the well-read Hereditary High Magistrate that I have a dual degree in law and literature? That's brilliant!
Julia: I doubt she's going to be that impressed if you needed a little kid to give you that idea, Simistotle. Maybe you should work on your cartography skills instead.
Felix: No way!
After that particular conversation, Felix takes stock while the kids chatter around him. He's never been anything but middling when it comes to people skills; books are much simpler. The kids interact naturally and well. He decides to seek out their advice and accept it.
Felix: So, I should take more chances? Be daring? Risk what I have for a better future?
Maria: And it can't hurt her to get her black-out drunk, either!
At this point, the craft services table can no longer keep the insurance suits and lawyers from shutting down this segment. Production is only allowed to continue after Leon does a 'cross my heart and hope to die' and pinkie-swears that he'll be on his best behavior with the children.
Leon: You don't like music? Just as well; I hear it doesn't like you very much, either.
After another short production break and threats of blows to the head, Leon is allowed to continue.
Tom: If you tell her a fairy story, make sure it's a purple fairy story. When girls like purple, they really like purple!
Leon: Yeah, no sh- I mean, yes! Yes, thank you for that excellent advice!
Leon hated this challenge from the second it was announced, and it's not gotten any better. He thinks kids are generally noisy and annoying. But, he knows he's on thin ice after the disaster that was meeting Charlotte's family... and, he suddenly remembers, the best he did was with the kid.
Julia: So that's why pirates only have one eye! If they're really bad, do they hit them in the other eye? Tell me, tell me, tell me!
Leon: Right in the face! They'll be blind as a bat, they will, those limey pirates.
Charlotte, you'd better be watching this. I'm hugging the child.
Leon: I love your boots.
Henry: I know, right? They're practical for all weather, they look super cool, and I can stomp on my sisters' toes really hard!
Leon and Henry have a nice long chat about appearances. And if you didn't know any better, you'd think it wasn't entirely an act anymore on Leon's side...
Secret's out, tough guy.
Leon and his friend are joined by Edmund, another well-dressed dude of the world. They close out their meeting by waxing poetic on all manner of mystical creatures.
Edmund: But gentlemen, we can all agree that the purple fairy is the best fairy.
Henry: Just so.
Leon: Well-said.
Miraculously, no legal interventions are necessary at the end of Leon's segment. Florizel gets to take his place immediately.
Florizel: Ah, a lovely day with all you children! I'm so looking forward to this.
To his shock, Florizel is not the immediate center of attention. In fact, the kids seem quite content to go about their business without him. He gets a scrap of a clue by listening to Maria and Tom gossip.
Maria: Did you hear he's an actual prince?
Tom: Yes! But why doesn't he have a jewel-encrusted sword and a crown? Or a shirt that buttons all the way?
Florizel tries to explain to the children that clothing must be functional as well as fashionable and that even princes must be cautious with their purse so as not to be caught short in times of need, like a plague.
Maria: But they look like birds!! Why would a doctor need to look like a bird?
Believing the prince angle is still the way to go, Florizel regales Fanny with stories of the colorful characters to be met at the Fae Court.
Fanny: So it's sort of like meeting all you desperate men? I get it now.
After some general mixing, Florizel is drawn back into conversation with Maria. She's still wondering why doctors would wear bird masks.
Florizel: Well, it helps them keep some plants near their nose, to ward off the bad airs coming from the patients. Although, there are these 'scientist' people who think..
Maria: Boring...
Florizel: Did I mention I live in a castle?
Maria: Tell me more!
Our noble prince recognizes the pattern here and decides to win over the children with the trappings of royal life.
Florizel: My sister, the queen, reigns from a throne that sits on piles of pirate gold! We eat our meals sitting on treasure chests instead of chairs!
Henry: That's so awesome!
Maria: And all the deer live happily ever after on the royal grounds?
Florizel: Yes, yes, yes! Very good!
Florizel: And then at night, the court is entertained by stories of a magical forest in which all your dreams can come true if you're willing to pay the right price. Why, one common lady's maid...
And time runs out on our royal contestant. Last and most likely not anywhere near least comes Thomas, the Family Sim to beat all Family Sims.
But rather than be showered with a return of the natural affection he has for all children, Thomas unhappily learns that the room is still buzzing about a certain prince.
Thomas: I will not be intimidated by anyone's crown! This is my time to shine!
Thomas: Games? I love playing games!
Thomas: Allowances teach the value of money and let children buy sweets and toys behind their parents' back. I say it's a win-win.
Tom: Actually, I'm looking for a flat-out bribe this time around.
Thomas: I like your name and the cut of your jib.
In a challenge first, Maria and Thomas break out the tickling action. I have to give Maria credit, she knew when the time and man was right. Poor Fanny was asking for swing-arounds all day and getting shut down.
Julia: ... And that is why I want to go to Hogwarts.
Thomas: I think that's a beautiful dream. Make sure to pay attention in Potions. I hear that's a can't-miss teacher.
Ten points to Hufflepuff. (Harry Potter aside: Thomas is the easiest to sort. He even looks like his middle name should be Hufflepuff. Felix is most likely a Ravenclaw, Leon is lurking in the shadow between Gryffyndor and Slytherin, and I haven't a clue on Florizel.)
Nearing the end of his segment, Thomas takes stock and seems much more pleased with his surroundings. He's had good interactions with the children, and everyone is getting along well. He'll try to go out on a strong note.
Okay, that's not as weird as the plague doctor conversation, but... I'm just letting that go.
Mary closes things out by showing off with a well-done cartwheel. Thomas is thoroughly impressed.
So, once the children and insurance guys and lawyers are cleared off, evening is allowed to set in. Rather than go in the same order, the dates will go according to chemistry. To simulate a long day of fatherhood, the men's social/fun/comfort bars are all tanked.
The dates are only getting one picture a piece because they mostly sucked. There was some chatting, a rejected action/bad joke or two, some flirting, and complaints about being tired and what not.
Florizel: So when the Fae sailors capture the pirates-
Charlotte: If you want to bore someone with pirate stories, go find Avery. Just remember my no re-admittance policy.
Felix: And then they found out the holes also have to do with particulate matter - most often hay, but not necessarily - and boy, did that re-write the book on cheese.
Charlotte: My brain finds your conversation strangely stimulating. My loins, however, are not impressed.
Thomas: There are at least three sofas in here... but I'll be happy to hold you. Until I drop dead.
Leon: I met your family, I wrangled children. So help me God, if you make me into a ghost for a bonus round, I will haunt your gorgeous ass until you die.
And on that note, Day Four concludes.
If anyone is wondering why snubs aren't penalized today, it's because this is meant to simulate a domestic scenario. Snubbing your kid entirely is pretty unlikely, but if you had seven of them, you might not get quality time with them all in one go.
Average scores from the children toward the bachelors:
Felix: 3.1
Leon: 10.7
Florizel: 4.1
Thomas: 13.3
And the bachelors' scores toward the children:
Felix: 5.1
Leon: 13.1
Florizel: 6.1
Thomas: 14.6
So the segment one scores are not looking good for Felix, who does a workman like job of following orders but doesn't connect too much with any of the kids. Florizel does slightly better, but his scores with Charlotte have always been higher than Felix's, so he's got some wiggle room. Apparently, the royalty factor just doesn't stick with the kids for long. As could be expected, Thomas scores the best, but even he doesn't score the five bonus points. It seems like he'd be thrilled with daughters, which would work well in the Iden family. Leon doesn't do quite as well, but whether through strategy or being a secret softie, he claims second place in the scenario.
I fear Felix will need a lot of help from the bad dates to stay in the game.
Lifetime Relationship + (Daily Relationship x 0.5) + (Number of Bolts x 3) + 5 Points for Crush OR 10 Points for Love + Average Daily Relationship From Children + Average Daily Relationship Toward Children
Leon: 100 + 0.5(100) + 3(3) + 10 + 10.7 + 13.1 = 192.8
Thomas: 95 + 0.5(100) + 3(2) + 10 + 13.3 + 14.6 = 188.9
Florizel: 100 + 0.5(100) + 3(1) + 10 + 4.1 + 6.1 = 173.2
Felix: 67 + 0.5(100) + 3(2) + 5 + 3.1 + 5.1 = 136.2
And he's last by a gigantic margin. Leon's scores with Lady Iden give him the edge over Thomas' better showing with the kids. For the first time, Florizel looks vulnerable and slips out of second.
Charlotte: I have good news and bad news for you, Felix. The bad news is that you are going home and it wasn't even remotely close. I clearly find you attractive and you've worked hard to impress me, but it just hasn't come together for us. The good news is that I have a duchy full of law-breakers, malcontents, and uppity nobles - not at all mutually exclusive, mind you - and only two hands. I need more hard workers who take direction well and have degrees in law.
Felix: And literature.
Charlotte: Hm. All the same, you and your degrees may report to my chambers at the Crown Court at the start of business the month after next. Unless, of course, you'd rather help your mother with her estate's rose gardens the rest of your life and not be handy in case the winner here turns into a loser?
Felix: Patience is a virtue.
Charlotte: So is getting out so I can have the hot tub installed. See you at work!
Felix: This is... not bad, actually. Anything's better than that goddamn rose garden. And I don't like getting wet anyway.
The remaining candidates give Charlotte clear choices. Does her deep personal connection Leon outweigh his prickly personality and stubbornness? Could the practical perks of a connection to Florizel overcome a lack of emotion? Will Thomas' rise on the backs of family-oriented challenges carry over into the intimate parts of a relationship?
Stay tuned for the semi-finals, coming soon!
Felix: Patience is a virtue.
Charlotte: So is getting out so I can have the hot tub installed. See you at work!
Felix: This is... not bad, actually. Anything's better than that goddamn rose garden. And I don't like getting wet anyway.
The remaining candidates give Charlotte clear choices. Does her deep personal connection Leon outweigh his prickly personality and stubbornness? Could the practical perks of a connection to Florizel overcome a lack of emotion? Will Thomas' rise on the backs of family-oriented challenges carry over into the intimate parts of a relationship?
Stay tuned for the semi-finals, coming soon!
Heh, so this is cruel? The boys should come to my workplace sometime. I'm sure they'd be thrilled to change dirty diapers! XD
ReplyDeleteBut it's a very interesting and appropriate challenge!
I couldn't be too cruel to them - Charlotte would have no-one left to marry if I made them change diapers! ;)
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